Tag Archives: suicide

Nothing Is Forever

I was listening to this song this morning, and couldn’t help but relate to some of the lyrics.  Never mind the fact that this particular song in one of my all time favorites. It has a good sway but when you listen to the lyrics, it’s so much more than just “a song”.

This morning the words, “nothing is forever” struck a chord with me.  I’m going to start today and hopefully the rest of my days with this mind set and mentality.  I might even scratch off a bucket list item by inking those words into my skin.  If you think long and hard about it, you can almost say these three words about probably everything in life.  Think about it:

-Your health, being pain free or the opposite

-Your marriage, for better or worse

-The status of your job, today…

-Your small or large bank account

-Your friends and relationships

-Our country and its leaders

I could get into intricacies, but I think you get the drift.  Pretty much everything in your life will come and it will go.  We aren’t made to last forever.  To live forever.   For instance my hands are super swollen today, and really for no reason other than this mother effing menopause bullshit.  It’s irritating but later on today/tonight or tomorrow I’ll bet they won’t be.  It’ll most definitely be something else, but what I’m feeling now is not forever.

We all think that when we say those two life changing words, “I do”, that we “will” for our entire lives.  That may be true, but there’s a chance that it will change, even if just the dynamic of that marriage.

I joke but seriously believe that these days NO JOB is secure.  As much as we try to do good work, our career status may not be up to us.  We’ve got to just go through our day and do our best and be hopeful.

If you read the lyrics to this song, it’s appears to be about a girl who took her own life, and the struggles of the deeply saddened friend she left behind.  Don’t we all get caught up in the daily stresses of life and instead of allowing ourselves to live in the moment, good or bad, we worry and struggle and lose sleep and our good health just believing that it’ll never get any better? Or it will never be different?   I’m unhappy with my size right now, but good or bad, tomorrow is another day and I could feel thinner or fatter.  Maybe I’ll have a good hair day.  Maybe Donald Trump will stop tweeting. There is a sort of power in positive thinking.  I’m not going to tell anyone that what they’re thinking or feeling is wrong, Lord knows I’ve been in some pretty bad places mentally.  But if you can just remind yourself that nothing is forever.  Say it out loud everyday in your car if you have to.  For good or bad, nothing is forever.

 

 

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Frustration multiplied by 100

My experience with doctors, nurses and health insurance these past couple of years has been horrendous, and that’s putting it mildly.  I’m not alone, this is currently happening with close members of my family as well.  I will only discuss my own issues here, since hearing an experience first hand is always best.

I’ve been treated for a few medical problems that continue to go undiagnosed.  This has been going on for about 15 months.  I don’t need to be specific about my personal health obstacles, because this blog is not about health dilemmas.  Today I will discuss members of the medical field and the laws that seem to govern healthcare today.

First off, it’s incredibly rare that you find a doctor who gives one flying fuck about you or your problems.  Excuse the use of foul language, and if this is something that bothers you, stop reading now because this will contaminate your virgin ears with relatively atrocious language.

If you’re still with me, welcome.  High five to you and your filthy mouth.

Doctor’s and their companion physician assistants are some of the worst people practicing their form of medicine, while still continuing to be paid nicely for their service or lack thereof.  They don’t care about you, they truly only care about themselves.  Period.  They hide behind the Rod of Asclepius with the kind of cowardice snobbery that we’ve sadly become more than accustom to over the past decade. The days of caring about the health and welfare of patients is now all but a distant memory.  No one is trying to figure out what’s going on with you.  They are medicating the symptoms and not finding a solution to the problem.  That’s only if you can find a doctor who really feels like working the day of your visit, and you can get past the irritable bitches in the front office.  Why are they all so mad?  What could possibly make a person be miserable EVERY SINGLE DAY?  I’m looking forward to the “off day” that they might actually treat me kindly.  I’m not permitted to be evil to people in my office/workplace, why are they?  Do they fly under the radar because their boss is actually the doctor you’ll be seeing,  with other things on their mind like golfing or golfing?  Yep, I’m stereotyping and guess what…..I couldn’t give two shits.  I’ve always appreciated and given accolades where accolades are due when it comes to the amount of studying and working and schooling that encompasses being a doctor.  There’s a certain amount of respect that you MUST give those individuals who take they Hippocratic Oath, that’s a given.  If you haven’t read the Hippocratic Oath recently or EVER, go have a read.  Someone needs to update that shit.  No wonder we are where we are in the medical world.  They take the Oath and then forget everything it stands for.  Again, I’m assuming and generalizing.  This is due to the fact that I’ve seen probably 30 random doctors/offices/testing facilities over the period of 5-6 years.

I’m not all that old, but I can remember about 20-25 years ago when healthcare was actually that, CARE OF YOUR HEALTH.  Anyone remember when doctor’s and the like made house calls?  Can you imagine someone caring THAT MUCH about you?  Yeah, me either.  Not anymore.

Ok, so I believe there has been a death of sorts as far as the practice of medicine goes.  Speaking from a managerial stand point, with every problem we should find three solutions.  I’m honestly sitting here wracking my brain and I can’t come up with a damn thing that will change the way we are medically treated in this country.  At least not any time soon.  There are extremely bright, intelligent men and women in this world who could and SHOULD attempt to make a change in the curative direction.  I believe it may take the undiagnosed illnesses of quite a few of these geniuses before we see anything remotely close to an attempt in change.  As a doctor, if you suffer no consequences for your actions, or in this case inaction, why would you change on your own?  Have you been fucked over by the insurance company that pays you?  Has it taken 3 months to see your $300-an-office appointment payment for your patients?  Poor baby.  I’ll bet you don’t have to keep your furnace a little lower than normal because you don’t have the money to pay your utility bill.

That’s all I’ve got.  I literally have no idea what to do. We are spiraling out of control in a downward motion.  It’s time for doctors to wise the fuck up.  Get your asses up in the morning and make a difference, because it might just mean the difference in your patient’s life.  If it only changes one little illness that they’ve got going on, do it.  If it means that they stop waking up in pain, trying to function at work, at home, in their minds.  We are talking about the sanity of a human being.  We NEED help.  We can Google the shit out of our symptoms, researching why we feel the way we do, but we aren’t able to do a damn thing about it on our own.  We need your help and we are paying you to help us, many times breaking our budgets and going without to visit you and take your suggestive drugs.  Do you know that we cut our family vacation out this summer because we are taking your prescribed medicine and getting your conventional first step MRIs and Xrays, with only a slight chance of feeling better?  Do you care?  Are you listening you money hungry ignorant fucks?  Hey and while we’re on the subject, I like that Mercedes ya got parked out behind your office.  Thanks for moving my appointment that’s been scheduled three months in advance to another month because you’re leaving the office early that day for your trip to Spain.  Enjoy your infinity pool and $500 vacation dinners while I rest my throbbing head in a dark, quiet room unable to lead a normal life.  How’s that private school you send little Jimmy to?  Oh yeah, have I mentioned that I forgot to sign my kid’s permission slip for a field trip before he left for the school bus this morning, because I was suffering from a bout of I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE disease?  Ya, that happened.

I will however promise you this:  I anticipate an extreme rise in the number of suicides in the United States in the upcoming few years.  I believe we will see an increase in such epic proportions that those considering entering the medical field will instead opt for that of funeral director/cremation provider.  It’s going to be BIG business.  At the rate we are being misdiagnosed and even not diagnosed at all, I feel like many will have no where else to turn.  Before you start texting or emailing me, I’m fine.  I’m not planning my demise now or in the near future.  As most of you may know, I’m one of those people who really refuses to give up.  I might not have a lot of company, unfortunately.  I have felt the effects of being kind of thrown around and treated/mistreated for many of my health dilemmas, but as I said, I’m not a quitter.  That’s not to say that anyone who decides to go a different route is, but having an overwhelming, daily feeling of malaise, it can take its toll on you, both physically as well as mentally and possibly spiritually.  How long should you be asked to try a drug, have a test and return in three months to see how it worked out for you?  Return in three months only to have your medicine increased and asked to return in three more months, never feeling any better.  Years of that HAS to take its toll.  If you can get up each morning and be hopeful that one day you’ll be cured, you’re a few steps ahead of the proverbial mind game.

My fear is that some are getting tired of playing the game.