I don’t typically write or post unless I’m deeply affected by an event or a feeling in my life.  Apparently I haven’t felt deeply about very much lately.  I guess I just go about my day to day activities and then BOOM, the title of a blog impales my brain and all I do is think about it until I finally write about it.

My own personal experience with marital amnesia might be different than others that you read about.  To be honest, I had never heard of it before, so I thought I was having an original idea.  I guess in this day and age there are very few “original” ideas.  I do however think that this form of marital amnesia should be admissable in a court of law, just in case you get yourself in trouble legally.  I’ll allow that to be my disclaimer for now.

I can say that I have marital amnesia when I’m so used to the way that my spouse reacts to me and around me, and then he turns and changes it up.  Of course it’s temporary, sometimes just an hour or a day.  To say that I’m hopeful is probably a pretty big understatement.  Every now and then, he will be fun.  He will let loose with a spring in his step and smile on his face.  Not the stupid humor smile that I’m so accustomed to seeing day in and day out.  He’s different.  I hesitate to say “normal”, because what truly is “normal” anymore? And what’s normal for me or him might be totally abnormal for someone else.

I was texting my daughter last week and sending pictures of her sleeping-all-day-on-the-couch father, and she asked how I’ve put up with it all these years.   My reply:  because when he’s fun, it’s wonderful.  I take that crumb that he throws my way and want  so badly, so when he IS fun or nice or whatever I’ve always wanted, I forget about all the times that he was a complete asshole.  How strange is it that a person can be pretty much mentally persecuted, but one tiny glimmer of hope will make them forget all of the petty neglect and virtual feast or famine affection?

Marital Amnesia -A SYNDROME WHERE YOU RANDOMLY  FORGET THAT YOUR SPOUSE IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE A ROYAL FUCKING ASSHOLE.

I couldn’t put that at the beginning of the post, I think I would have scared a few away initially and that’s not my intention.  I mean, how many of us have honestly said that under our breath but never had the opportunity to say it out loud, to them or anyone for that matter?  Start writing people, it’s cathartic in so many ways.

So when I thought about my title for this blog, I usually always like to post a song to go along with it, to truly get the whole “feel” of the post.  Nine times out of ten, I’ll be driving to work or home and a song will come on that will just completely consume me and make me WANT to write.  The following is an older song, but one that I have always, ALWAYS felt such an enormous attachment to, mentally.  I watched quite a few versions of this song on YouTube, and to be honest the original has the best vocals but there was one on Jay Leno which featured the lead singer starting the song wearing a black leather straight jacket.  My gosh, what a visual and so very fitting for this blog, but I can’t make you listen to the off key screaming, it’s just not tolerable.   The words might not be completely literal for my perception of this kind of amnesia, but the emotion of the band’s lead singer and the beat just makes me wanna scream, “how’s it gonna be, when you don’t know me…anymore”?