Tag Archives: co-workers

It’s not Fair



I’ve been reading the book “Irritating the Ones You Love”, by Jeff Auerbach.  My therapist suggested it, and for anyone looking for the reasons why certain things seem to set you off when others just shrug it off, this is a good book for you.  The premise of this book suggests that each of us has “jars” that open when something is said or done that affected us a young age.  This blog is not about the book as much as it about one of my jars.

The fairness jar.

I’ve discovered that I’m sent into a tail spin when I feel that a certain situation is not fair.  Having this jar has me in a constant struggle with others for no good reason.  After all, they most likely don’t have that jar.  I’m finding that the lid to that jar is open on a regular basis.  For instance, I get really upset when sitting in traffic because a road merges due to some kind of construction and another car buzzes along side me and others to get to the front of the line instead of waiting their turn like the rest of us.  It sends me.  Why can’t they just wait in line?  Where’s the fire?

Being passed over for a position at work.  Being fully qualified for that position, it goes outside of the workplace and I feel dejected.  I’m guessing that would bother anybody, but for me I dwell for days.  Months.  I can’t let it go.

Just recently I purchased food for a going away party for some co-workers leaving for new adventures.  I’m speaking specifically about  buffalo chicken dip, which I absolutely love.  It comes in two containers, and the first container is devoured by the time I leave work.  There are still a few hours left for the rest of my co-workers, but I realize no one but myself and another person are eating the dip.  Fast forward to the next day, late morning.  Getting kinda hungry and open the fridge in search of a treat.  The other container is gone.  What?  Nobody but me and one other person was eating it.  That person is not on the premises at the present.  This person took my dip after I left and ate it.  The dip that I PURCHASED.  No money was offered for my purchases which came to about $43.00.  I don’t have a problem with that IF nobody takes advantage of something that they didn’t pay for or even offer to pay for.  I’m hoping I don’t get fired today, because I really wanna go ballistic on this person, and I’m having trouble channeling my anger into anything other than a full on rant via steelgraeglamour.

It’s not fair.

I struggle with the fact that I give my husband anything that he asks for, yet he withholds affection from me.  It makes me sad but more than that, IT’S NOT FAIR!

I’m gonna try to get a grip on this damn fairness jar, after all if nothing else it would benefit my stress level to get a grip and calm the fuck down and understand that my issues may be bigger than they should be.  After all they are MY issues.  I’ll calmly ask the buffalo chicken dip eating fucking asshole if he decided to save me a taste, a smidgen of hot spicy goodness.  When he replies that he consumed every last fucking drop, I’ll take a deep breath and walk outside.  Look at the scenery and realize that life is good and that this little chicken chunk bump in the spicy buffalo chicken dip road is over and tomorrow is another day.

But it’s not fair.




I work in an IT center and although I’m not as technologically savvy as they are, I can hold my own.   A little bit of their desire to play games has rubbed off and although I’m not a game player per say, I have grown fond of a particular phone app called Covet.  In Covet, you dress a model according to the requirements suggested, purchasing clothing and accessories and submitting a final product for other players to vote on and decide if you’ve won the current virtual clothing/accessory item for that particular event.  I guess you could say I’m slightly addicted.  I try to dress my model daily and compete in events when I find a spare couple of minutes.

My interest in the game comes from my love of all things fashion and beauty.  I have a cosmetology background and have worked in salons in the past.  I’m self taught in many of my interests, and I think I have a good eye for fashion and beauty.

Having said that, I’ve been struggling with a kind of minor issue: the style of my co-workers.  Yes, I do judge others when I’m out and away from work, but not to the extent or degree that I do of the very people that I spend many of my waking hours with.  I have trouble understanding how a woman obviously doesn’t “check her look” in the mirror before she leaves the house.  I’m not talking about the occasional garment flubs, like a little too much muffin top or a wardrobe that evidently looked good on paper or on a mannequin but didn’t quite fit the person wearing it.  No, I’m talking about those people, who for the most part hold a position higher than my own, yet seemingly appear to hold no interest at all in actually giving two shits about their appearance.  I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by quite a few women who clearly have no clue how to use a round brush or choose clothing suitable for their body type.  And I rarely see an attempt to try harder.

I’m sure you’re familiar with that person who only looks good the few hours after they come from the salon.  Their hair has design and actually presents itself to look like that of a women who takes pride in her appearance.  If you’re lucky enough to see that every once in a while, it’s a treat.  Your co-worker might have gone shopping for some new duds and come to work with a beautiful and very thought out garment or ensemble choice that makes even the quietest person comment on the look.  “You look very nice today”, a comment seldom said to these fashion blundering ladies, should act as a red flag to these girls.  Especially because it’s rarely if ever heard.  Take that compliment and RUN with it!  Truly.

My question is this:  How can you wake up and throw whatever clothing that’s clean onto your body and drive into work, surrounded by other individuals who clearly care about their display of fashion and not give a damn about your own representation?   Are you “one of those” women that think that you should be judged on your brain power and sense of self more than how others perceive you?  Can I just tell you that that’s total BULLSHIT?  Whether you like it or not, you will be judged.  It’s a fact of life, and the more you deny it the more it will bury itself in the visual minds of people who see you.  We’ll be severely scarred for life!  Ok, that’s a little extreme, but I have had nightmares of fashion gone wrong.  Crazy, misguided females chasing me down an alley with their too tight stretch tops and baggy ass jeans.  It wasn’t pretty.

Let’s not forget the girls on the beach.  I may be throwing my own insecurities about my body into the mix, but I have to wonder who thinks it’s a good idea to wear a ill-fitting bikini on a body larger than a size 20.  I’m pulling the size out of nowhere and there are probably many girls who do a good job of dressing their larger bodies in bikinis, but I’ve seen one too many girls showing off too much skin, and some who look like they aren’t wearing bottoms.  I’m not gonna rule out a great fitting bikini that has more fabric than not.  There is a way to look good at any size.  I’m a firm believer in that.  I’m not a physically fit, toned woman.  I’ve got rolls and larger than they should be body parts, I’m not gonna lie.  I try to compliment my good parts rather than flaunt the bad ones.

But I guess that’s just me.  I’m considerate of other folks eyes, or at least I  honestly try to be.

As I sit here typing, I’ve checked my “look” in the mirror before I left my house.  A few times.  Hair – check.  Makeup – check.  No protruding body parts taking center stage – check.  

There are so many ways we can piss people off.  Why does our lack of fashion sense need to be yet another one on an already long list?

I hear Target’s having a sale on mirrors….in case you might be in the market for buying one, finally.