I just remembered that my husband has an appointment with a cardiologist today. In fact, he just called…..which is something that occurs regularly. I may pick up the phone to call him, and the phone will ring with him on the other end, and vice versa. Now one could look at that as a sort of “meant to be” relationship. I used to, but I’m not necessarily sure about that now. Regardless, it happens…which brings me to writing this blog today.
What is love? I’m sure we can all attest to some of the “things” we love in life. Why does chocolate always come to mind first? It does for me, anyway. A soft rain on a quiet evening. Getting all green lights when you’re in a hurry. I’m sure there are many “loves” that we take for granted, but what about real love. I’m sure if you’ve read any of my previous blogs, you know I have BIG LOVE for my kids, that’s a given. But what if you’re in kind of a rocky relationship. Is it possible to actually still love that person. Is it a different love? I mean, it’s obviously different than it was when you were dating and married but still pretty much getting along. What happens when you kind of fall out of love with your significant other, but you still care. Is that love? It’s a general caring, but does that go under the “love” heading?
He’s seeing a doctor for an enlarged heart (cardomegaly). Can you believe I just googled the symptoms and causes? Again, those of you who know me KNOW that I would have googled that two months ago when I made his appointment. So sitting here at my desk and reading the causes, I kinda got sick to my stomach, for a couple of reasons. First off, there are the “what ifs”. What if it’s bad, requires surgery? What if it changes his work schedule? He’s not a friend to change, they battle literally all day every day. What if medication changes his personality. Okay, I just giggled a bit, that might actually be AWESOME. What if today, our lives will change significantly and maybe not for the better? I mean I care if he lives or dies, that’s for sure, and not just for monetary reasons. I don’t wish bad things on him, other than an occasional mild case of dysentery. Maybe a bad haircut which accentuates his larger facial features. Wearing a clothing tag on his jeans, you know the one that’s a long, see thru tape with the size printed on it about 20 times? Those kinds of things I’ve wished for sure.
Having just read an article that strongly suggested telling the ones you love that you do indeed LOVE them, simply because you just never know when you may not have the opportunity to do so. I get that, I really do. So what do you call what you feel for the person who doesn’t give you butterflies anymore? The person who makes you mad more than happy? I can’t even say “I like you a lot”…..but I can’t say I hate you. So…..what is that kind of love?
I’m going to go home and wait for him to let me know how the appointment went. He won’t call and tell me about his appointment. He’ll want to tell me face to face, he loves my undivided attention. I’ll have questions and he won’t have answers, that’s a given. His “head in the sand” mentality will shine brightly today. So we’ll see, but in the meantime, have a listen to this song by Tim McGraw. Every single time I hear it I think of our relationship.