Tag Archives: friends

November 20, 2014

What You Don’t Say Matters More Than What You Do

By Robin

I’ve got a lot of thoughts running around my head recently. I haven’t written in a while because I don’t have a complete thought about anything. This post will be a random view on a few different subjects that are currently floating in my own personal universe.

I’ve written about this previously, but I think that it holds true on a daily basis for me. Assumption. And we all know the old adage, when you ASSUME it makes an ASS out of U and ME. Lord knows I’m guilty of making assumptions. I’ve determined that my spouse’s actions are intentional. All actions, good AND bad. I believe he makes a conscious effort to search out an item in the grocery store that he knows I’ve requested specifically or is aware that I’d like to have. Somewhere in that brain of his, he has made an assumption that for me to be happy on said day, if I have the new Kettle Chips that I saw advertised on TV the night before and thought out loud that they might be good to try, I’ll jump for joy and love him forever when he buys them for me. And although those chips might temporarily make me happy, I’d much rather have him remove his boots from the middle of the living room floor and set them somewhere out-of-the-way (basement) where I won’t trip over them. I feel like he might do better with a suggestion from me rather than a heated request. And that might be true for most people, I’m not 100% sure. I know I’ve waited for many projects to be finished in my home, and my requests have never come from a place of suggestion. I should take note of my previous statements and start making suggestions to my husband. I’m gonna work on that.

I recently saw a friend that I hadn’t had contact with in a while. I broke contact on purpose. I’m the type of person that when I feel like I’ve been emotionally harmed in an inexcusable way, I distance myself. I don’t like direct confrontation. I like to stew over the whole ordeal, because I’m the type to re-live the event and try to put myself in somebody else’s shoes and give them the benefit of the doubt as to why they were an asshole to me. If I can’t come up with a legitimate reason, I stay away. I’ve done it before, I’m sure I’ll do it again if it happens. We talked about what made me move away from our friendship, but I don’t think she really understood. Of course, she assumed it was for a different reason, because that’s what we do, ASSUME. We try to find something that we’ve done that could kind of be misconstrued as ill meaning. We go through our memory and determine that there might be one particular thing that could have been taken the wrong way by a sensitive person (because we blame them for being too sensitive in our minds) and pissed the other person off. We go through our lives making assumptions and many times never really get the real story. I guess in a way assumptions make you feel a little better about being who you are. It’s a kind of validation. I believe there are 3 stages to making an assumption: 1. Sadness and misunderstanding. 2. Determining in our mind why the other person is mad. 3. Validating our actions in our own minds and moving on, feeling like it’s them and not us.

And finally for this random thought post finale, Thanksgiving and the retail world. I’ve been a vocal proponent (at least in my household) of no Sunday sports/games for families. I do not believe that my son, or anyone’s son or daughter should have any kind of sports game on a Sunday. When they go off to college, they can Sunday sports it up all they want, they’re adults now. Play, practice, whatever they want to do. I want my child to have a relaxing day on Sunday, doing whatever he or she wants to do, not what another parent/coach has requested that he did with his time. Period.

When I first heard about certain stores being open starting at 6pm on Thanksgiving day (now they’re all jumping on the band wagon), I initially thought about how horrible that it would be if I had to hurry up my dinner and get to work just in time to be bombarded by blood thirsty, Christmas gift carnivores with ravenous appetites for ridiculous deals on electronics and juicers. It’s the Christmas Zombie Apocalypse and it’s happening in 2014.

I’m not an overly religious person, but I know that one of the 7 deadly sins is GREED. This Thanksgiving, you will get to be a voyeur of sorts to one of the contributors to the downfall of civilization. The news crews will be out in full force, streaming live from the front of Best Buy stores with all their lines of tents and frozen occupants. There have been others contributing downfalls for sure, but this one strikes a particular chord with me because we’ve lost the one last holiday that held together the meaning of family. We weren’t out buying candy to serve up to trick or treaters on Halloween. We aren’t out killing ourselves searching for a close parking space on a cold winter’s night trying to buy a gift for someone who doesn’t need it or won’t appreciate it for Christmas. We aren’t packing a basket with jelly beans and assorted egg-shaped candy for Easter. We are supposed to be spending the day watching random football games and made for TV movies, the house filled with the distinct aroma of a succulent turkey, scrumptious stuffing and sweet pumpkin pie. The table is set and we can hardly wait to begin the culinary festivities. A glass of wine, our family surrounding us and pleasure abounds. I’m sure it’s different in each home, but the one common denominator is family. I can’t imagine some corporation telling me that I can’t have that because they need their “numbers” to increase. It’s do or die Thanksgiving Thursday. Greed. If you count on Black Friday deals to make or break you, you’ve gotta bigger problems that need to be addressed. Don’t put all your eggs in one literal financial basket. Offer deals throughout the year and you won’t have to worry about the size of your next yacht purchase at the end of your fiscal year. Don’t put retail workers at risk of being trampled to death just so some greedy bastard pushing through the front door security guard can get a flat screen TV for $99. Wouldn’t you all rather be sitting at home pouring more gravy on your mashed potatoes? Could you find another day to celebrate your inability to realize that home is where the heart is? I sure hope somebody comes to this realization sooner rather than later. If happy wives make happy lives, what does a happy employee make? I can’t imagine someone actually being happy about working in retail on Thanksgiving evening.

But again, I’m assuming.

Leave a comment | tags: assumptions, black friday, Christmas, employees, friends, retail, Thanksgiving | posted in Uncategorized

July 1, 2014

Your Expiration Date

By Robin

We’re all familiar with dairy and food expiration dates. Take a big gulp of old milk from your refrigerator shelf and you’ll get an instant reminder that you should have checked the expiration date before you decided to partake in the not-so-delicious beverage. So many times food that should not be consumed gets overlooked. Sour cream a few days after the date should still be good, right? Maybe. But my blog today is not about food. It’s about life and relationships and THEIR expiration dates.

I believe we are born with an expiration date, we just don’t know what that date is. And would we want to know, really? Your life would be so much different if you actually knew when you’d expire. We might live each day to the fullest, enjoying each and every moment until our last breath. Or maybe not. Can you imagine finding out that you’re going to live until you’re 100? It might not be too bad until you find out that you have many health related issues and your financial circumstances aren’t the most ideal. Your departure from this world might not come soon enough, or on the other end of the spectrum, it may come too early. Either way we don’t have a choice. For the most part. Unless we take life termination into our own hands, we’re here until we depart.

On the other hand, our relationships most likely DO have expiration dates. Imagine if you will, connecting with an individual either on a friend or lover basis. We’ve all had good and bad partnerships. A friend who no longer is worth the aggravation of “being a friend” to. A lover who has gone in a different direction than you are going. We make the decision to either allow the sour milk to stay in the fridge or dump it down the drain and buy another quart.

Or do we?

Are we holding onto that toxic relationship for fear? Fear that we may never get another chance to quench our thirst, no matter how pungent the flavor? Fear that we’ve been living with rancid milk for so long and have become accustomed to the taste, however bad that taste may be? Fear that we need the nutrients from the curdled drink to survive? Or are we just lazy, not really wanting to throw the liquid away because we don’t feel like going out to buy more? Decisions about the kind of cream to purchase, low fat, no fat or high fat? Maybe a completely different KIND of milk all together.

I talk about our associations with other people referring to them as milk because I think we’re all guilty of consuming sour milk. Living a life with someone who is toxic, past their expiration date, and not believing that we are worth having a good glass of pasteurized, homogenized beverage. That friend who no longer “feels” like a friend. That partner who no longer provides our lives with nourishment. The nourishment we need to be happy, healthy and enjoy each and every day. They’ve gone beyond their expiration date.

So my request is this: Take inventory of your stock. Look around at the things you consume on a daily basis. Pay close attention to what those things bring to your life. Make the decision to keep it or toss it.

Get rid of the sour milk in your life.

Leave a comment | tags: expiration date, friends, inventory, lovers, relaitonships, sour milk | posted in Uncategorized

February 18, 2014

God Gave Me You

By Robin

I require physical contact. I think everyone does. Well, almost everyone. There are a few different ways you can get your “fill” of physical closeness. Some good, a couple not so good, but I guess you get it where and how you can. Mine comes from my permanent snugglers, Jaxon (on the left) and Harles.

Jax came first, when he was a puppy. My son, Shawn brought him home. I wasn’t ready for another dog and was still grieving the loss of our dog, Max. Truth is sometimes you gotta have something pushed into your face to realize that you ARE ready and you do NEED to move on. He was the cutest puppy imaginable, a husky/lab mix, he has one blue eye. That adorable blue eye that I seem drawn to when I look at him. Sometimes I find myself feeling bad for not giving that brown eye equal time. Yes, I think of things like that. Jaxon is one of the happiest dogs you’ll meet. He loves to run outside and say hello to neighborhood dogs walking past our fenced in yard. He’s happy to meet any dog, or animal for that matter. He’s mostly quiet, barking only if he feels threatened. He’s mild mannered with complete and total love for his master, ME!

Which leads me to Harles. Formerly adopted from a humane shelter, again by my son, Shawn. He wasn’t able to take him when he moved to a dog “not friendly” rented home. Harles initially would come to visit Jax, and that was just fine. Kinda like other people’s kids. It’s nice to have them over, play with them, and then send them home with their parents. When he became a permanent fixture, jealousy set in. Big time. Jax was the “only child” type of dog. Docile and used to getting all the attention. Harles, a pit/lab mix, is what you might call an alpha dog. Requires all the attention, all the food, all the family. All. Of. Everything.

The two have now been co-habitating for about 2 years. Let’s just say that they have “grown” into appreciating their relationship. I’ve found them sleeping together in my youngest son, Grae’s bed during the day. They have the whole house, but they choose to sleep together.

If I’m petting Harles, Jax will give me a look similar to this…..

He’ll also go over to the door and scratch to get out. He has no intention of going outside, but as soon as I ask if someone wants to go outside, Harles leaps up and runs to the door, pushing poor timid Jax out of the way….cause he has to be first. I throw open the door, and Harles barrels out, leaping off of the deck into the yard. Yep, just Harles. Jax watches, snickering at how stupid Harles is and how smart HE is. He had no intention of going out, he just wanted Harles the hell off of me. Jax will come over and lay up against me on the couch. Success!

At night, when I’m getting ready for bed, Harles will already be in bed with his other master. I have to ask him about 10 times to get down, so that I can get in. Both dogs wait eagerly beside the bed until I get the blankets situated. I say, “okay” and Harles jumps in first. He knows his “place” on the bed. He sleeps at the bottom of the bed by my feet. Jax jumps up and fits in the little nook somewhere between my bent knees and chest. If Master #2 isn’t in bed, Harles will take his place, but slammed up against my back. I’m sandwiched between two canines. If you were cold before you got into bed, you definitely aren’t now. And you can’t move, because they don’t. All night.

I recently had foot surgery and since my bedroom is downstairs, I’ve got to climb the steps to get to the main part of the house. Secretly my precious pets have worked out a deal. Jaxon goes up first, waiting at the top of the steps to watch me. Harles brings up the back, making sure I don’t lose my balance. I guess they both decided that if I were to fall backward, I’d be much better off falling on the kind of “wide load” Harles is than the petite Jaxon. I know that they’ve had this conversation because they do this EVERY TIME I VENTURE UPSTAIRS. How sweet is that?

If I had to describe Harles as a human, he would be a beer drinking, poker playing good time friend with a huge heart. Competitive by nature, always needing to win but never giving up if he doesn’t. Jax would most likely be gay with an English accent. He enjoys drinking his favorite tea while reading one of his favorite novels, most likely just reviewed at his book club meeting.

Don’t ask me why I think he’s gay.

3 Comments | tags: dogs, friends, God, love | posted in Uncategorized