I’m following up on my last post, “Time to Say Goodbye”.

I’ve had a lot of conflicting feelings about moving on from my current position. For obvious reasons, moving on is hard, and it’s not like I was looking for a new job at the time I was confronted with the opportunity. I was apprehensive about even interviewing, and was surprised that the interview had gone as well as it did. Interviewing with the Senior Vice President is terrifying enough for anyone, but I also had another supervisor in the room with me, who was shooting out questions as well. I feel like, and the SVP confided as well, that the interview went well and I was offered a second interview.

Second interviews are always a good thing, but when you start out at the “top” so to speak, how can an individual with a for lack of a better word, “lesser stake in the hiring process” deny the offer? Maybe I’m being stupid about it, but what I’m really trying to say is, I most likely have the job.  I’m not trying to put down the second interviewer.  I’m really not.  That person most certainly can hate me or hate what I look like or dislike answers to her questions and it would all be over.  But I think I”m confident enough in myself to say that they will most likely like me.

I think.

Which brings me to my current issue. Do I take the job if it were offered to me? I’ve spoken with my supervisor at my current job about the possibility of leaving and was given an option to wait and see if full time might be an option.  There are definite hoops to jump through, but it would seem a possibility.  The new job would most definitely pay more.  But it would involve more time and energy and a completely different way of being.  Meaning a different “dress” and different personality and might involve a somewhat diminished comical attitude.  I like to make people laugh, to lighten the load so to speak.  Life is hard, and inserting a few jokes and lifting a mood or two here and there are important to me.  I don’t like to see suffering, and the new job would surround me with suffering.  Could I find a way to be myself yet some one else?

Would I become somebody that I used to know?

Lots to think about.  I’m lost.

I”ll update in a few days…